Thursday, October 9, 2008

Celestial Food, and Complimentary Toilet Paper

I'm sitting in a meeting right now with a bunch of Xerox Copier resale business owners up at the Zermot Spa and Resort. It's one of the few, if not the only 5 star hotel in Utah. It's up near Heber city, and is very nice. I especially like the "costumes" of all the employees here. I'm not quite sure what the owners of the hotel were thinking when they were getting costume consulting, and the president looked at the catalog of uniforms, and said, "We've gotta have THOSE"! I think whoever made that final decision should be fired, and banned from the hospitality industry. After using their valet service, I was expecting the valet to exuberantly yodel for me after receiving his tip. Well, he didn't, I didn't even get a simple "Riiiiiiiiicolllaaaaaaaaaa" and then a sound of a really long horn on a mountaintop. I felt cheated.

However, the service here has been fantastic, aside from the fact that they wanted to charge me $15 to connect my computer to their wireless network... Yeah, $15... Are you seriously kidding me? When I had to take an urgent trip to the bathroom, I was worried how much they would charge me to wipe my butt... I only had a $10 and I didn't want to break it. I hate change. Luckily, however, the sanitary tissue was complimentary. Which is good, because I've already made two urgent trips to the loo. I feel like I should call it that with all these mountain elves from Iceland running about.

So, instead of spending $15 on an internet connection I hacked the network with my uber haxor skillz, and I connected via VPN to our Digital Gateway internet connection. I Roxor your Boxorz, I know.

The meeting has been good, but I have to give an honorable mention to the house Cook. The food was absolutely delicious... When they asked if I wanted Chicken, Salmon, and sensually delicious beef, I simply said, "Yes." And I proceeded to eat my weight in some of the most delicious food I've had in a very long time. Then, I proceeded to consume a most celestially delicious piece of Chocolate cake plastered in 2 inches of decadent Whipped Cream... On a side note, you could plaster an old boot in whipped cream, and I would probably think it was pretty good.

Anyway, the food was SO good, and so plentiful, of course, I ate far too much of it. I am pretty good at telling my stomach to shut up and digest when it's screaming, "Error Error". Have you ever been SO full that you get out of breath by doing something like, raising your arm, or adjusting in your seat? Yeah, I know I'm pathetic... The food was just so good though! This played a key role in forcing me to use a public bathroom more than once in a day. I generally try as hard as I can to avoid public bathrooms as much as possible. If I can cut down my visits to the public loo to 1 or 2 every 5 years, then I am happy. But I digress, back to being full; I really do think that if someone saw me from the side, they would think to themselves, "Well that's odd; that man looks like a pregnant woman." Well, contrary to popular belief, I don't in fact have ovaries or a uterus, so, I am unable to be large with child. I just ate too much, you judgmental person I am using in my story... yeah, that's what I would say to them, I would tell them off!

SOOO, today has been an enjoyable day. It has switched things up a little bit, I got to come up to a nice place to learn quite a bit about a product I will be selling soon, and I got to enjoy an extremely good meal. So, I have no complaints.

I am writing this blog in response to 2 separate requests that I post a blog again, it feels good to know you guys enjoy them, so, don't hesitate to continue making me feel like I'm amazing. I certainly already know that, but, It doesn't hurt to be told every now and again. ;) *If you don't know me, please know that I'm not arrogant, and don't think I am better than everyone else*

... I just know I am...


Janae said...

Oh babe, you crack me up. I love you.

Love the commentary on the horrible "costumes" as well as the $15 internet that you got for free 99. You are a genius.

I am jealous because I am rather hungry right now. I doubt you look like a pregnant woman.

I'm glad you've learned a lot. I'm even more glad that you don't need me to tell you that you're amazing.

Bri!!! said...

Oh Tanner,

I miss you. Love the post, quite funny. I'm jealous and would have loved to overeat with you. YAY FOR BLOGS!

Starla said...

I truly hope this ongoing commentary was during the break and not in the middle of the meeting YOUR FATHER was running!!! What are we going to do with you. You're so BADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!

Jessica said...

Hey Tanner,
Zermot Rocks!! Jay and I have a Membership there. The Fri,Sat buffets are amazing. In the summer we like to take the girls and let them ride the carosel, and eat giloto, way fun! I love the uniforms, are you kidding if I could dress like ingga I would be a happy women! take care friend. If you ever want to eat at the beffet we get half off. Jess

Jami Watts said...

Tanner!!!!! Did you write this blog on one of the two trips to the public restrooms.Greg gets his best work done on a toilet. You are funny I like your blogs alot keep it up. Love you Jami

Leake's said...

Yes Tanner --- You are amazing!!!!!

Love the observations and indulgences. We gotta go there just to see the uniforms.

wilkinson_fam said...

I just found your blog today via Bri. You are SO funny, Tanner! You crack me up! And as a morning sick woman who DOES have an occupied uterus, I needed a laugh this morning.