Life Changes -- [Personal Confessions]

I am listening to the secret [again]. And I gotta tell you, regardless of whether or not the "Law of Attraction" is a bunch of crap; I think it's a pretty darn good way to live your life.

I’ve got to admit I went through a really negative phase recently. I was doing horrible in school, horrible at work, not good in my own social life, etc... It's mostly because after a while of living the secret, I sort of gave up on it. I turned my back on the law of attraction, and sort of went the other direction. I'm not really sure why, but I just did.

My whole life has been kind of a roller coaster lately. I'm not gonna lie. I've gone through a lot of crap for the past while, and it all just kind of caught up with me recently. I lost all hope in my abilities, talents, future, attitude, etc... My negative attitude affected every aspect of my life, and it caused a lot of pain in my life. I started reverting to my old habits of negativity, my old irresponsible ways of procrastination and neglect of the things I knew I should be doing, and the total neglect of the spiritual needs in my life as well. On top of that, I began reverting to addictive behaviors, namely playing video games. Games were my way of forgetting the pain, and placing my focus on something that had NOTHING to do with my "screwed up" life. I had allowed myself to become lazy, irresponsible, and most destructive, virtually spiritually dead.

I began neglecting my scripture study, and even my prayers. My relationship with God began to falter, and I felt horrible about it. I was always telling myself I needed to straighten my life out again, but I never found the motivation to do so.

I will publicly admit I am an addict. I usually can play video games, and have no addictive effects, I used to be able to have a "take em' or leave em'" type attitude, but ever since I felt like my life was not going the way I wanted it to, I had resorted to video games as my pain reliever. They became really addictive, even to the point where I was neglecting school, work, friends, my girlfriend, church, and my family. It was starting to get out of control.

I knew very well that I had sunken to a level I had never been at before. I was at the lowest point of my life, and I had no one to blame but myself. I have always loved playing video games; I have never been willing to admit that they are harmful. Though I don't think they're harmful, I absolutely believe that they are addictive, and when they become addictive, THEN, they ARE harmful.

The problem wasn't totally the video games though. I had just become lax in all the areas of my life. I didn't like how I felt about my life, about myself, about God, about my testimony, etc... I just didn't like how I felt.

All of these feelings were over-running my life, up until my wonderful girlfriend Janae, (who has stuck with me through all of this, which in-and-of-itself is unbelievable to me) had the courage, and inspiration to take action.

My relationship with Janae had been struggling for a few weeks. My attitude, and motivation was at its low point, and she had had enough. After a big fight, we almost ended up breaking up with each other on a Sunday night. We ended up deciding we would work through this for a little while, to see what happened. At this point, I had the desire to change, but I hadn't really been struck with the humility and motivation to truly make the sacrifices that were required for me to make a true change in my life.

That was until Janae decided to write me a letter about the reasons she was frustrated with our relationship right now. The letter was blunt, to the point, and extremely hard for me to hear. The first time I read it, I immediately became defensive, even angry that she would say some of the things she did. I felt like she was attacking me, and trying to make me feel like less of a person for my weaknesses. Gosh, I look back at the way I reacted, and it makes me want to throw up. It only took me about 3 hours of pondering over the things she said for me to recognize that not only was the letter 100% true, but that the only reason I was being defensive was because I had allowed Satan to take complete control over my reaction. I felt so much darkness in my mind when I read it the first time. I realized how foolish I had been, and how blind I had become. Satan was fighting so hard for me to misunderstand the letter because he knew what it would mean to me after I made the realizations I finally came to. The letter was awesome, but even more than the letter, was the recognition that I had become something I am not.

I realized that my life is NOT going the way I want it to go. I realized that I am not acting the way I believe I should be, and I realized that I'm not being a good son, brother, boyfriend, friend, or even citizen. I recognized that I had been completely unwilling to make any real sacrifice for God in order to change my life.

I am not exaggerating when I say, the very moment I made this realization, my mind was clear. The darkness was gone, and it was filled only with light. The spirit was testifying to me that NOW is the time for me to change. For the first time in my life, I was willing to put all my own selfish desires aside. I no longer cared that I really enjoyed playing video games, I no longer cared that school is hard, I no longer cared, that it would require some work to get back to where I want to be, all of it was of no consequence. I felt for the first time since my mission that I was willing to do ANYTHING to be forgiven for the way I've acted for the past year or so. Without even thinking twice, I cancelled my World of Warcraft account so I couldn't play it anymore, and I decided I was going to box up my Xbox. This might seem like something that isn't really that big of a deal to most of you. In fact, you're probably telling yourself, "So what? That's not really a sacrifice." You will not understand until you have really been addicted to something in your lifetime. Especially seeing as the only time I've ever given up playing video games was during my mission for 2 years. This ONE thing was the sacrifice God has been asking me to make all along. I had justified for years that it's not that big of a deal, I'm not addicted, blah blah blah, etc... I had never been humble enough to accept his will instead of mine. But this change of heart was instant. I had made a promise to God that I would not play another video game until I felt like my life was in order, and I was back on track to living the way I know I need to.

I have been clean since the 26th. ;) I have had my times of temptation. I've had the times where I'm not really doing anything, and I get a really big urge to play video games, but for the most part, it hasn't been hard. I've been trying to fill my time with wholesome and constructive activities. I've tried spending more times with those I love; I've been trying to read good books, and to learn things I didn't know.

I know it's only been like a week. But hey, it's a start. I can honestly say that the spirit has been stronger in my life than it has been since my mission. I have made the necessary sacrifice in order for me to receive the necessary blessings to turn my life around.

Will I ever play a video game again? Definitely; I don't feel that this is a long term requirement from the Lord. I feel that it is most definitely necessary right now however. Until I can feel like my life is back on track, where I can feel worthy to go to the temple often, read my scriptures daily, etc etc... I will not indulge. Regardless of how good I feel, this will be at least a few months. I’m not just going to do this for a couple weeks. I’m talking months here, so don’t worry, I’m committed. I’m not making an excuse to just revert back to my old behavior.

I have a much better understanding about the importance of "moderation in all things".

I am very excited about the changes I'm making in my life, and I'm very excited about the feelings I'm having about my life. I feel like I'm progressing for the first time in a long time. I am moving forward, and it feels really good.

I love the Lord with all my heart, I'm so grateful for the lessons he teaches us, even when it takes us a long time to be willing to learn them. I'm just really grateful to have the knowledge I have about the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I'm really grateful that I have family and friends, and a girlfriend who support me as much as they do! They have been such a strong support for me, and I am so indebted to them. I got the first father's blessing I've had for a very long time yesterday on fast Sunday. It was a great help, and will continue to be a huge strength to me.

I wanted to just tell you guys about the things that are going on in my life right now. I feel like the more people that know about it, the more people I'm accountable to. This is good. Accountability is really the key to success.

This time is for real. This time I am determined to change, and even though I might slip up every now and again, I truly FEEL the change in my heart this time, and I know it's for real.

So, if you guys want to receive blessings beyond measure in your life. I am bearing testimony to you now, that you should think about the thing you do that wastes a huge amount of your time, that isn’t constructive, and then sacrifice it. Just determine to give it up for a month. If you do this, I guarantee you will see a change in your life you’ve never thought possible. God recognizes sacrifice, and he is willing to pour out blessings for any of this children that give something up for him.

Best of luck! If you choose to do this, I’d sure LOVE to hear your stories and successes with this!

Response to an Anti-Tithing Forum

I was in a Mormon forum on Myspace, and there was a guy who was bashing on the law of tithing, I thought I would just throw my two cents into the conversation, and below is the guys post, and my reply to his post. I thought some of you might enjoy it. Let me know what you think.

----------------------------His Post-----------------------------------

"The Church doesn't donate that much money to charities, humanitarian aide. etc. as you'd like to think.

From 1984 to 2006, the LDS Church donated $750 million to various people in need across the world. Hurray right? So that's $750 million in 22 years (34 million/yr). The Church is spending $2 billion on a downtown SLC building project over four years (500 million/yr).

The Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation is required to donate at least $1.5 billion/yr at minimum (using 2006 data). That means Bill Gates donates at least twice as much money each year than the LDS Church donated in 22 years. Good job LDS Church."


---------------------My Response---------------------------------------------

If you would do your homework, you would know that this project isn't being funded by ANY tithing money WHATSOEVER! The church has MANY more investments, and other means of making money than just tithes.

The fact of the matter is, the church wouldn't be able to function the way it does if it didn't have any money. That's just a fact. If you don't have money, you have nothing to stand on. Not only that, but look at the temples that are being built, the church buildings that are erected, the humanitarian aid that is given, the travel costs of the General Authorities, the costs of over 50 thousand missionaries throughout the world, the cost of those missionaries being stupid, (car accidents, medical bills, etc...) cost of publications, cost of church employees, cost to manage and keep the temple grounds of over 120 temples, media costs, shipping costs, computer costs, etc etc...

I think you get the point.

The world requires money, and the church has that, because it has faithful members of the church.

The other fact of the matter is the fact that Joseph Smith, Brigham Young, Gordon B. Hinckley, etc etc weren't the ones who gave this commandment, it was God. Go read Malachi 3:8-11.

Not only is God giving the commandment to pay back to him just a little so he can continue progressing his work throughout the world, but he is giving you another opportunity to receive blessings for doing it!! He even promises to "...open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it." He also promises to "...rebuke the devourer for your sakes..."

If I gave you a $1 bill; would you be willing to give me 10 cents back? That gives you 90 cents to do whatever you like with. It's MY $1 bill, but I am willing to give it to you, for only a dime.

God doesn't ask us to give a lot. He just asks that you give enough to help his work move forward.

And frankly, the question is, can you afford NOT to pay tithing?

Think about it.

Good Friends, Good Music, and a Good Bump on the Head

Last night I had the opportunity to get away from the drib-drab world of studying and work, to enjoy a night with good friends, and very good music. Janae, Raytch, Cara, and I all drove to Salt Lake last night to go and see Joshua Radin. Cara made the observation that we made really good time up to Salt Lake. I had to remind her that when you are traveling at 95 miles per hour it tends to make you arrive at your destination a lot faster than when you're driving 55 in the fast lane. Well, we stood in line, and were able to make fun of some girls taking pictures near a bunch of construction machinery. They were being ridiculous, so our group and the small group behind us kept poking fun at them together, it was a good time. So finally we get into the venue, but not before I had to get felt up by some dude with Tats and a cigarettes in his mouth. I didn't appreciate the smoking while he was 6 inches from me feeling my crotch and other extremities. I thought it was pretty inconsiderate, but I was seeing Josh Radin, so I just allowed him to molest me, and moved on.

Janae and I had been planning on going up to the bar ever since we found out the concert was at club sound, so we ran up there, and had missed the chance to get chairs, so we had to sit on platform type thing that was high above the ground on the balcony. It was pretty high I tell you, like at least 8 feet off the ground, but lots of people were sitting on it, so we began the climb. I got up first, and then tried helping my 5 foot tall girlfriend to get up, the first attempt failed in me dropping her. I could only picture the scene in "Cliffhanger" where Sylvester Stalone drops his girlfriend to her terrible death. Luckily, this was just a couple feet, so Janae was okay. The second time, she was not having my help, she wanted to be a stubborn poop, so she climbed up herself, when she got to the top, she did this thing where she pulled herself up very quickly to get onto the bench, what she didn't realize is that there was a big steel beam where her face was to end up. She hit it SO hard! I usually can get a laugh out of that kind of thing, but this was NOT funny. I wanted to throw up! There are 2 people in the world that I cannot stand seeing get hurt, the first is my Mom, I want to cry when I see my mom get hurt, it doesn't happen often, but when it has, It kills me, and my second is my girlfriend. I don't like it at all. So, of course I felt awful, because I knew how bad it must have hurt. After I got her some ice and some water she was okay after a while.

Okay, to the music. It all started with a girl named Alexa Wilkinson for the opening act. She was incredible! I really liked her a lot! She was funny, and very talented! She even made up a song on the spot when the fire alarm went off in the venue. Then, we heard from the wonderfully amazing Ingrid Michaelson. I can't even describe how much I enjoyed her performance! She was incredible! So absolutely talented it was amazing!! Plus, she was hysterical!! I found her very funny, and fun to watch!

Finally the amazing Joshua Radin came out, and blew us all away. He was incredible. The fact there is so much talent in the world is so awesome to me! I love that there are people that are just exuding talent! I often wish I was as talented as some of these people. But then I have to think that I have so many other talents in so many other ways that I can't complain at all.

After the show, I managed to talk Janae into tricking Rachel and Cara into thinking we had to leave early and miss Josh and most of Ingrid because of Janae's head. My plan went perfectly and they felt horrible. I couldn't stand having them so sad for more than 2 or 3 hours, okay just kidding; it was only about 3 or 4 minutes. But we got them pretty good.

We then topped the end of the night off with a trip to Denny's. We compared Denny's to being the McDonalds of sit down restaurants. We all agreed, but it didn't stop us from eating all the delicious food they brought out to us!

All in all, it was a really good night! I thoroughly enjoyed it! Not only did I enjoy the good friends, the good music, and the really good make out I had with Janae during a couple of the songs, but I also enjoyed just getting away for a little while.

I look forward to tonight!! We are going to Tucanos, it's a really delicious Brazilian restaurant here in Provo, and we're going with a lot of really close friends. It's going to be awesome! I love being with close friends. It's one of my favorite things!

So I purchased a Planner -- [Rant]

It's got a clever little photo of 3 students sitting on and around our constipated wolverine statue in front of the AC building. Then, on the back, it has [almost] the same picture but wait, NOW they're wearing UVU merch! "Now that's a clever little number..." I thought to myself queerly. Then I started judgmentally evaluating how it was CLEARLY two different pictures! The girl was looking at the camera in one, and not looking in the other, the guy looks a little gayer int he UVU one than the UVSC one... See, I was much smarter than the UVU propaganda council. I'm very clever... Clever indeed. And they can't trick a trickster!

Well, I think I purchased it in hopes that I would become more organized. Isn't that a novel idea? Buying a planner to be more organized... hmmm... I'll need to think on that for a moment.

Anyway, I wrote down the things that are due this week, and the things I need to [study] so I can justify away my poor test scores with, well I studied, WTF! Mostly however, I feel really official. I feel like I am the organization king of the world.

My problem tends to be an eventual lack of motivation, which leads to a severely neglected day planner. It will eventually sit lonely at the bottom of my back back, being crushed, and choked by the also severely neglected textbooks.

What is it about a person that never does homework? What about carrying around an 87.9 lb backpack full of unused, unstudied textbooks makes us feel better about our school performance? I have textbooks that I haven't even unwrapped from their neat little heat sealed plastic wrap covering. I just hate to ruin something so beautiful as a textbook that I am unable to read.

Well, these USED to be the days of my rule and ultimate power... When I could get away with the above stated attitude. However, this semester is by far the hardest semester of classes I've ever had. Let me give you a small outline of how I feel about each of my classes.

Math: If I could re-kill the guys who invented Math, it would be worth my ticket to heaven to do it. However, much to my dismay they're already dead..

Astronomy: This is actually the only class that I really really like! In fact I love it! I find it all fascinating, and I remember everything because of the fact I pay attention. Another novel idea... That doesn't usually happen twice in my rants.

Business Communications: If I had to sum up my feelings towards this class in just what my teacher would call a "Simple Sentence," It would be: "Fecal Spatter" How do you like that simple sentence TWYMAN!

ADDENDUM: So Janae happened to point out to me that this is in fact NOT a simple sentence. Well, isn't that ironic... This is the first thing I've actually learned in this class, and it wasn't even while in class... Well, none-the-less, I am maintaining my statement above. It SHOULD be a simple sentence.

Biology: I'm still just trying to figure out how these cells are able to have sex with themselves... It boggles my mind... I'm also trying to figure out a way to fail this class with style. I'm considering streaking butt naked through the class just wearing an ATOM model on my head. This would most certainly be going out with style.

This my friends is my summary of my life right now. The only part missing is work, and girls. Both of those topics will be touched upon on another day, and another time.

I'm considering blogging as a new career. So stand by.

My Difficult Advantage

I had to write a paper on an event, or events that have taken place in my life that have changed me, and molded me into who I am today. This is a true story about my life and struggle with ADHD. (Now the title of my blog probably makes more sense to you!) This is pretty personal stuff. I'm surprised I'm even posting it. But, for the sake of receiving other writer's feedback and for readers' enjoyment, I'm making it available. Enjoy!

“My Difficult Advantage”

Based on the Life of: Tanner Phillips

“I get to go to school tomorrow Mom!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. I can only imagine the great anxiety this may have caused. Most mothers would be hesitant to send their children off to school because they were afraid they would develop a separation complex. Not my mother! That was never her concern. She was afraid for my new teacher’s emotional health and sanity. You see I have grown up my entire life with A.D. H. D., which stands for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. I never really knew what the last “D” stood for. I had always been loved and accepted in my home. There was always open arms waiting and available from a mother who understood and loved me. I never felt like I had a disadvantage, just a different advantage than all the other kids. Starting school would be a new adventure I had longed for a very long time. What I didn’t know was the world would turn out to be a very different place than the loving home I’d grown up in. I had no idea that not everyone would be accepting and understanding of my ADHD. For the first time I would experience people telling me “You can’t” instead of “You can do anything!” I had never experienced rejection because of the way I talked or acted. However, my whole word would change after my first day of school.
The kids laughed and hollered as if the boy had said the cleverest of things. They walked off laughing, positive that they had surely told me off. I was stunned. I couldn’t imagine that everyone wouldn’t like me. I had no idea that I was so different from other children. To be totally honest I still don’t quite understand why I was picked on as much as I was. I know I was loud and hyper as all get out but I wasn’t ever mean or rude to anyone. I tried making friends wherever I went but there were always the people who were suspect to anyone who didn’t act as they did.

An event happened that changed me forever. I remember very clearly one day walking home from school. A group of older boys, who had taken it upon themselves to pick on me, waited for my cousin and I to walk by a sand pile they were sitting on. One of them called out to me. The next thing I knew I received a huge wet sand ball in my face. It all happened so fast I didn’t have time to react and close my eyes. To this day I have never felt anything so painful as my eyes filled with sand. I couldn’t even finish walking the rest of the way home. My cousin had to lead me by the hand while I blubbered like a baby. When I walked into my house my loving mother attended to me, taking over a half hour to rinse my eyes out until they were free of the stinging sand. Those tears I cried that day weren’t only from the stinging in my eyes. They were the realization that I was, in fact, different.

That event sounds extremely depressing, I know. However, I look back on it and am grateful. You are probably asking “Why?” It was that day I made an important decision to develop a trait I wanted to possess. I decided I would never treat people unkindly. I had enough experience to know what it was like to be made fun of, to be rejected by my peers. I knew how much it hurt to be disliked, as far as I could understand, for no reason. I made the decision to always be kind and accepting of other people. Later in high school I had a large group of friends, popular friends. But I always tried to include those people who weren’t often included. I would always make an effort to dance with the girl who never got asked, talk to the boy who sat alone, or laugh with the comedian that no one knew even existed. I’ve always tried to simply be kind. I attribute that to my own struggles and rejections as a lonely child.

What a shock school had been. I didn’t know there would be all this sitting and thinking. It was official. My favorite subject was most definitely recess. I really struggled with reading. In fact, I had to be in resource classes, which was a source of much embarrassment to me. It was just one more thing that gave kids ammunition to make fun of me. One of the greatest days of elementary school was the day I was “kicked” out of Resource class in 4^th grade because my reading finally clicked.

I struggled in school for a long time. I never knew until a few years ago that for those first years my mom would hide my report cards from me. It wasn’t because of my grades but because of my teacher’s comments. “Has a hard time sitting still.” “Talks out of turn.” “Needs to learn to control himself.” “Is always making noise.” All that changed in 5^th grade. It was the year I finally realized I had the potential to learn. Before this I had struggled with almost every teacher I had. I was infamous throughout my elementary schools as being a troublemaker and an uncontrollable child. However, Mr. Crandall would change all that! For the first time in my life I had a teacher telling me “You can!” I had a teacher who consistently told me how great I was doing. He even, in his patient love, rearranged the bookcases in the back of the room so that I could have my own little cubicle of sorts to go when I was struggling with distraction or just needed a break. He was the most influential teacher I ever had. He changed my outlook on school and what I was capable of. He made me realize that I could do it and actually do it very well. I learned that just because it was harder for me it didn’t make it impossible. I learned endurance and commitment. I learned I could take on the world. I have been eternally grateful for that humble quiet man at Hillcrest Elementary School. I even went back to him for years with my report cards, showing him the success I had in school. He always showed the excitement of a proud parent.

School still held its challenges for me. I still had run-ins with teachers and my moments of anxiety when I couldn’t concentrate on things. However, I’ve made it thus far. I have come to learn that my ADHD, if properly channeled, can be a huge advantage. It was extremely difficult when I was a child but I have learned to control it and use it in positive ways that will be a benefit for my whole life. I’ve had the advantage of having a father with ADHD. Seeing him as a very successful businessman and a great human being has always been a huge source of hope and motivation for me. I have advantage over many because of the energy I possess. It helped me in soccer, football and other sports. It has also helped me to be more energetic and upbeat than other people. I wake up in the morning after four hours of sleep and can be bright and beaming as a light bulb. People always ask with annoyance, “How can you be so happy this early and with no sleep?” It’s one of the benefits of ADHD.

There are so many life lessons I’ve learned from having ADHD. It has taught me so much about myself and about others. It has taught me to see the good in others. It has also taught me to be slow to judge. It’s given me an ability to relate to people, especially parents who think their children are doomed because they have ADD or ADHD, to not look at it as a disadvantage but see it’s potential. It’s not to say there aren’t times when I wish I was “normal” and didn’t have to deal with it. However, it’s then I think to myself how much I love being different and having the advantages that come with ADHD. The advantage isn’t necessarily the ADHD but the lessons I have learned from having it.

The Skier Named Buffoon:

Here is a list of sterotypes that I wrote a couple years ago about the different types of skiers you have on the mountain. If you are a skier, you'll probably find some of these amusing, if not, you'll probably still find some of these amusing. So, Just thought I'd post it for history's sake.

1. Mr. Wanker Head - The middle aged guy who is going through a mid life crisis, and he thinks that if he kicks his own arse skiing he will feel better about himself. So he "hits the gnarly bumps!" And therefore destroys any decent line while managing to cut you off 3 or 4 times as well.

2. Douche Nozzle - It's all too common to see these little bastages on a snowboard trying to "Tear it up." down the mogul runs. I hate when snowboarders think it’s okay to go down a mogul run. I stay off their runs, so stay off mine! Contrary to popular belief a mogul does not make a good jump. Nor is a mogul field a "terrain park." Furthermore, if you are going to go down a mogul field on a Snowboard which should only ever, be on accident. Have the state of mind to either go on the side where you won't destroy our line. and please refrain from staying on your back heel the entire ride down. You don’t want to be classified as a “One Turn Schmuck” (see #10) as well do you? It destroys the run. Morons.

3. The Untouchable - These guys and gals are the joyously brain-dead folks who don't realize that they can in fact break their neck while skiing. Though I tip my hat to them for being ballsy, the fact that they are total morons negates any positive aspects of their insanity. These people usually ski very fast… yet they rarely ski well. Generally, they prefer running into small children to stop themselves.

4. The Mtn. Ogre – These men usually wear blue jeans and gardening gloves. They are often extremely overweight and usually quite old. Whenever they take a spill, they generally leave a Grand Canyon sized hole in the snow that you will surely fall into at one point or another. It is a requirement that they fall off the lift every single time they unload. But never before they drop every loose item they have on their body causing the next group to run over goggles, gloves, poles, etc… You can usually get a good laugh as you watch the poor lift operator who stopped the lift try and help the mammoth of a man get up off the icy surface without blowing a gasket & giving himself a hernia.

5. The New Hotness! – This group usually consists of women. They usually have extremely wealthy husbands who buy them top of the line skis and boots that have little heaters on the backs. All so that she can pay $80 for her lift ticket to ski one run, and then read a romance novel in the lodge for the remainder of the day while sporting her perfectly applied makeup, and overly treated hair. Tight pants are a must and fur is usually present on at least one part of her outfit. Puffy turtlenecks are frequently seen as well.

6. Crazy Terry – This guy lives in a large van near a river and somehow manages to ski everyday without fail. He will often sport a long beard, blue jeans and one of those really long elf looking hats that violently flap behind him as he skis. He is always certain to make frequent booze stops at his large ninja turtle backpack at the bottom of the lift. He doesn’t ever forget his roots however. He makes sure to stand at the bottom of the lift while screaming out his chants and prayers while dancing in circles and guzzling his bud.

7. The Ski Bunny – These ladies are generally no bother to anyone. They keep to themselves and stay to the lesser-ranked runs. They are usually fairly good beginner skiers, but not great. They can manage on easy runs, but would poop their pants on anything steeper than a double blue diamond. Then they would poop themselves again for good measure. They usually have families that are skiing on the hard runs, while they go on the easy runs to go and cheer for their kids at the bottom of the hard ones.

8. Rico Suave’ – This guy usually spends way too much time getting ready to go skiing. He makes sure he’s looking good so he can try and pimp the New Hotness Momma’s (see #5) though he is usually a pretty good skier, he is often there for the wrong reason. If he falls, he checks his hair in the reflection of his goggles. It’s always the best when you see these guys with a big huge frozen booger on their chins or noses. It’s a rule that you never tell them. You allow anyone and everyone to see it.

9. Mr. Turtle – It’s a rule that when you ski with a large group of people at least one of them takes on the role of Mr. Turtle. He or she must at all costs cause the entire group to wait for them for at least 2 minutes at a time. Mr. Turtle usually ends up getting ditched. But don’t worry your little head. You can always yell cutting remarks as you loom above him on the lift every time you pass by. It’s just as if you skied with him all day right?

10. One Turn Schmuck – These are the greatly hated buffoons who make one turn at the top of the run, and then slide down sideways the entire run. Scraping off any sign of new snow that could have existed before they brutally raped and plundered the mountain.

11. I.C. Rump. – This very common breed of snowboarder never sits alone. It is also a rule that they never sit in convenient places. It is either in the middle of the run, or right in front of a jump that you want to hit. Either way, they make it very clear that there is nothing wrong with the fact that when they fall they have a right to sit there for 5 or 10 minutes while they “recuperate.” They firmly believe that if they consume a large enough amount of snow they will no longer be thirsty. They also believe it can heal most physical ailments. This breed also tends to be a “one turn schmuck.” (See # 10)

12. Big Foot – These are the little idiots with those freaking short ski’s called “Big Foots.” Whoever designed these skis made sure it would be virtually impossible to stop at excessive speeds. Big Footers often believe it to be a good idea to go on runs that are virtually impossible for such equipment. This breed is often short lived however. Either finding out that it is in fact not cool at all, or perhaps just giving them to their little brothers after last years major concussion.

13. The Renter - These are the poor saps who are forced to rent their ski's from a rental shop. For some reason I think it's a rule at rental shops that they make skis far too tight, or far too loose. So when these people fall, they either break their legs because their ski's won't come off, or they yard sale so big that their ski's are laying 200 yards above them after they come to a stop. It always seems like there's those who will be standing in the lift line, and they manage to step the wrong way, and pop out of their binding. Then they fall over and can't get back in, and it's just a big mess. It's really a marvelous thing for us to watch.

Okay, well, since my whole family pretty much has entered the new and exciting realm of "blogging" I figured I mustn't be the only one left behind!

So, I gave in and have started an online blog. Who KNOWS what I'll put in it, but I do love writing, and now I have somewhere that I can put it all. I don't expect all, or most of you for that matter to care really, I just wanted to let you know just in case you wanted to enjoy a small slice of what the Celestial Kingdom might be like. ;)

Anyway, hopefully something fun will happen in my life other than the everyday -- go to school, go to work, go steal food from parents, go to sleep, jibber jabber. That way, I could have something exciting to write about!

I hope all of you enjoy it. Subscribe to it, or whatever you do to these things to make sure you're able to be alerted by phone, email, radio, television, those really lame blue tooth ear things that make you look like spach, or whatever, that I have posted a new blog, and you HAVE to go read it!

Hope all is well with everyone!

Oh yeah, almost forgot the link to my new blog!

http://utskifiend.blogspot.com/

If you're not into the whole "blogging" scene, but you prefer the whole Myspace business, then you can check out my myspace page instead by going to: MY MYSPACE LINK RIGHT HERE! <-- Yeah, The BLUE text! That is a link, it takes you through portals to cool places!

Thanks Al Gore!!!

I Think I Want To Start Doing This!

Hey guys,

My sister BriAnn and her husband Dan have started a blog to keep everyone informed on the goings on in their lives. I think that it's a pretty good idea, so I have decided to start a blog of my own.

I LOVE writing, so I figure, this will be a good place for me to write things down that are happening in my life, as well as help to keep my loved ones updated on what's going on with me.

This first blog is just an intro. I'll have to add some more stuff very soon! Hopefully I stay committed to this, and don't neglect it like I always have neglected any journal of sorts over the years.

Anyway, be excited. Be very excited, because you're in for a treat!